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[catscratch club]

Benny hadn't set out for the Club that evening with the intention of getting pissed, but that seemed to be the way things were headed. Rather rapidly. She'd had another terrible night's sleep, full of barely remembered nightmares that left her shaken and sweating, and she couldn't bear the thought of spending any more time alone. The Compound had been a possibility, but in the end she'd headed to where the booze was, which shouldn't have been much of a surprise to anyone.

So, she'd parked herself at the bar and started drinking in earnest. Luckily, Lloyd was on that night and he was always good company. Not to mention the fact that he mixed a hell of drink. "Bloody hell, Lloyd. A girl could get used to this kind of thing," she said as she took a sip of her latest. "I think you've definitely found your calling."

[for alex]

Benny had been spending a lot of time outdoors lately. Ever since 'the incident' she'd needed to feel the open air, see the sky above her head, not be constrained by walls. Luckily, the porch of her hut was comfortable enough, particularly when she brought pillows out to sit on, and the smell of the all the greenery on the island was amazing. Wolsey seemed to be enjoying Benny's new-found love of the outdoors too, if all the time he spent sitting next to her grooming himself was any indication.

Her hand was still bandaged, though, and every day that went by she got more and more bloody annoyed at the lack of proper medical tech available. If the TARDIS had been working she'd be as good as new by now, at least physically. Instead, she had to learn to do everything left-handed, and the injury was a constant reminder. Not just of what had happened in the caves, but of all the mistakes she's made. It was making her bitter. And she couldn't tell anymore if the ache she felt was real or just in her head. She tried to convince herself it didn't matter one way or the other because even if it was imagined it still bloody hurt.

That's not to say her time in the clinic hadn't been a complete waste. She'd actually managed to score some truly excellent weed from one of the doctors in exchange for a bottle of gin. Definitely one of the better deals she'd made in a while. Starting the day with a joint, she'd slowly begun working her way through a bottle of gin. Now the sun looked like it was starting to set and she was well and truly feeling no pain. Not a bad day, all told.

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[100 sentences]

She's amazed that the relationship with Jason lasted as long as it did, but she'd hoped it would last forever. She has no idea how many people she's slept with, but it's a bit of a point of pride that many of them weren't human. Even though Bernice could have asked the Doctor to take her back to see her mother before the attack she never did. Her relationship with the Doctor was the longest and most intense of her life so it doesn't surprise her in the slightest that it ended when they shagged. She knows Wolsey won't live forever, but she never lets herself think about it.

She gave up trying to picture her mother's face years ago. It always bugged her a bit that Jason slept with so many people, but knowing why he had to do it makes her heartsick for him. The taste of beer is preferable to almost anything else in the universe, but she drinks gin because it gets her drunk faster and she doesn't want a belly. There aren't really any smart ways to die. The idea of eating animals still makes her queasy. She never actually expects anyone to love her.

The first betrayal still stings the worst. It terrifies her to realize she's older now than her mother was at the time of her death. Draconian history is fascinating to her, it's the actual Draconians that suck. Dogs require too much time and attention. She should have kept his brolly as a souvenir. Their daughter would have been named Rebecca. Part of her wanted to travel with the Doctor forever, but the cost was getting too high.

The scars on her back are whip marks. There are a lot of things she can live without but hot baths aren't one of them. Sometimes she wishes she could have an entire room filled with nothing but fabulous shoes. Her first taste of champagne was during a riot.

She can't remember how many people she's killed.

Jason was the best shag of her life. Having a penis really was a lot of fun, but being a man permanently holds no appeal. She secretly loves it when people ask her to sign her books. Military life wasn't completely awful. They would have made terrible parents but they should have had the opportunity to find that out for themselves. She never wants to stop exploring. There are few things worse than academic parties. Having a small chest isn't bad, but a tiny part of her is curious what it would feel like to have bigger tits. She's pretty sure her books are rubbish, but she doesn't care as long as they sell.

She fully expects to die a violent death.

Bernice is pretty confident that she's a crap teacher but the freedom of academia is too good to give up. Sometimes swearing in Martian is the only way to express one's true feelings. She wants to go home. She remembers most of her nightmares but pretends not to. She wonders sometimes if she should edit out some of the less flattering parts of her journals because she knows people will read them after she dies. It's possible there never was a doll.

If he's handsome, he's probably evil. Alex drives her insane, which is how she knows she loves her. Despite the risk to the time line, Benny would kill Jason's father if she had the chance. Period dress is fabulous but the corsets are ridiculous.

Every species has their own version of line dancing, which might be evidence that the universe does have a sense of humor.

Zoos depress her. If this is the afterlife, it's bloody disappointing. Loneliness is the worst. She sometimes regrets not sleeping with Watson, if only because it would have made a fantastic story. Daleks will always come back. Short hair was easier but she thinks the longer hair is a bit sexier. Ace is the bravest person she's ever met. She was attracted to Romana and hates the fact that the other woman probably knew it. Dellah was ok, except for the rain. The parties are the best part.

The Doctor is the only one she ever believed would always come back for her.

It horrifies her that people are having children on the island. She's always been an atheist. Nudity is a non-issue. Her father wasn't a traitor and she never gave up on him. Susan was always the biggest unanswered question. The dinosaurs are seriously cool. Alcohol over drugs, but she'll take what she can get. She thinks the TARDIS sang to her when she was at her weakest. It's always her overconfidence that does it. Gallifreyan robes do look ridiculous. It will never be enough. Wild flowers are always more beautiful. Red wine more than white.

She'd save everyone if she could.

There will always be a worse depravity. She assumes she's been raped, but she doesn't remember it and can't decide if that's better or worse. She's met gods before and they're never all that impressive. At least he didn't wear the celery. Ever since that incident with the Scourge, she's been a little uncomfortable around insect species and it makes her feel ashamed. She'd be chuffed if she knew she'd shagged a superhero. Handcuffs lost their kink value after about the 10th arrest. Tea just isn't the same without biscuits. Time Lords are often right, but their methods suck. It's possible she'll never find a balance.

She can't remember ever wanting to be anything other than an archeologist. It's rather freeing to not know how old she is. Even knowing what she knows now, she'd still say yes. They'll never respect her, and she can live with that as long as they keep funding her digs. She doesn't have a favorite color. Jason once played some Disney movies for her -- she cried. She was damn good at tennis but she doesn't really miss playing. The Doctor made her understand that it's ok to accept a hug when she needs it.

The glamorous world of archeology involves excavating a lot of latrines. She'll do what she has to do. The Doctor's hang-over cure is the only one that really works -- if only he'd let her have it. Ice Warriors are endlessly fascinating. The foster families were probably lovely people but she couldn't stay. While bailing out of the troop ship there was a moment when she was afraid her father would be ashamed of her.

There are worse ways to pass the time than an orgy between friends.

Neatness is a symptom of insanity. There was actually a time when the idea of living forever seemed appealing. Fine dining is never a bad choice. She wants to be wooed but wishes she didn't. There is something incredibly magical about finding priceless treasures buried under millennia of dust. No matter how many episodes she watches, Bernice will never understand the lasting cultural appeal of The Three Stooges.

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[For Maureen]

(Continued from here).

It had been nearly a half an hour since Maureen had gone off to continue playing hostess. Benny had spent the time drinking and enjoying the other performances, but it had been rather difficult to keep her mind off of what was to come. She liked to think she wasn't normally the type of woman to meet up for a quickie in the back room of a strip club, but what the hell. Maureen was gorgeous and it was all in good fun. A little tawdry role playing between friends.

When the time was right, she left her table and slipped through the crowd past the curtained off area that led to the back room. Hopefully Maureen would be as amused by this whole thing as Benny was. Besides, she'd put in such a wonderful performance, she deserved a little private attention from a fan.

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Benny set out for the caves that morning, as part of her bid to finally see the whole of the island that she was slowly being forced to accept could very well be her home for the foreseeable future. She'd made her way to the dinosaur territory, had walked the beach from one end to the other, and had enjoyed the hell out of the waterfalls. Now it was time for a little underground exploration. She wasn't planning on spending more than a few hours hiking the caverns, so she'd only brought along a torch and a small bottle of water. From what she'd gathered, plenty of island residents had already investigated the cave system and they hadn't found anything remotely dangerous. Nothing to worry about.

She'd been at it for the better part of 2 hours, and so far it had been fairly easy going. Although part of her had hoped she might find some evidence of previous settlements or proof that other people had lived on the island before her fellow abductees had started arriving, she hadn't seen anything to support that theory. Slightly disappointing, but it had been something of a long shot. Bypassing the main passageways, she headed into a smaller offshoot that had progressively narrowed until there was barely room to stand upright and the sides of the cave were maybe an arm span away. This was more like it.

She'd just turned into an even smaller side passage when she heard it. A sharp CRACK. So loud it was like a gunshot, reverberating through the narrow caverns. Before she even had time to react, she was knocked to the ground by the falling rockface and everything went black.

When she came to, the only thing she could feel was a pain so sharp and immediate that tears sprang to her eyes. Her right hand had been crushed in the falling debris and every movement was agony. She screamed when she finally managed to release it and craddled it to her chest in the absolute darkness of the cave. At some point she'd lost her grip on the torch and her bottle of water had gone missing as well. She tried to search around for them with her uninjured hand, but she couldn't feel anything but rocks and dirt.

Benny was starting to panic and it took every ounce of strength she had to stop and try to control her breathing. Slowly counting down from ten, deep breaths in and then out. She had to stay calm. She needed to assess the situation, figure out how large the cavern was, how much air she had available, work out a method of escape. But there was nothing. The area wasn't even large enough for her to sit up. She finally found a small opening that lead further into the cave system, but it was barely big enough for her hand, let alone her whole body, and the surrounding rock was solid. No way for her to enlarge the opening or make her way through. At least she wouldn't suffocate. Though with no water, it was possible the lack of oxygen might have been a less agonizing way to go in the end. The thought sent a new wave of panic through her body like a flash of heat.

And the pain in her hand just kept getting worse. As she lie there she began to register all the other injuries that her brain had overlooked in that first rush of adrenaline. Throbbing in her right hip, blood on her face, and it hurt to breathe. A bruised rib, possibly broken. Goddess, how could she be so bloody stupid?! She knew better than this. She was a professional, she knew how to plan for contingencies, knew how to take care of herself so that she'd never again be in a position like this. But, no, she'd gotten overconfident. Complacent. So sure that there was nothing on this island she needed to be afraid of. She'd hadn't even told anyone where she was going this morning! No one would be looking for her, and even if someone noticed she was missing, they wouldn't have a clue where to start looking. She was completely and utterly screwed. And it was her own damned fault.

Screaming out her frustration in the tiny cavern, she pounded the ground with her uninjured hand and let the tears fall.

[For Dick]

(continued from here)

Benny might be wearing a man's body, but she's still the same woman on the inside, and she's always loved a bloke who knows how to take charge. Every inch of her body felt like it was electrified when he touched her and it had been ages since she'd been so wound up with so little foreplay. No wonder some men always seemed to be on a hair-trigger if this was anything like what it felt like for them.

"Yeah, my place. My place." It took an absurd amount of self-control to disentangle herself from Dick and keep her mind on the goal of forward momentum.

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Jan. 7th, 2009

From the Diary of Professor Bernice Summerfield

Dear Diary,

I think I've finally gone crackers. Apparently traveling through time and space in a blue box, being tortured by nazis, fighting daleks and cybermen, being imprisoned more times on more different worlds than I can even begin to name -- that's all well and fine. What did it take to push me over the edge? A divorce and a bloody magical island. Pathetic.

Now, dearest diary, you may be wondering why I feel that I've lost my mind. In a nutshell, I've done nothing since I arrived but drink, bitch about the situation, drink some more, sleep with everyone who isn't nailed down, and drink. That's not me! You know better than anyone that I am not this person. I mean, sure. I've been known to enjoy a bit of booze every now and again. (note: yes, yes. I know.) And I've never been averse to taking a lover here and there. (note: don't you say a word.) But getting shitfaced on a regular basis while initiating threesomes? I haven't done that kind of thing since the academy! Bloody hell.

Oh, and did I mention I woke up to find two crates of bloody fantastic gin just sitting here in my hut? It would seem this sodding bastard of an island is the worst kind of enabler imaginable. Or maybe the best kind. I haven't decided yet.

Goddess, I don't know what I'm doing anymore. It isn't that I'm not enjoying myself because...I really am. I mean I really, really am. But should I be? Should I just stop worrying about the fact that I'm trapped here for no reason I can determine, at the whim of mysterious jailers, and could disappear at any moment with no memory of any of this having ever happened? It seems pretty clear that's exactly what the island wants me to do. Drink and shag my way to complacency. I suppose I have to decide what a better choice would be. I doubt sobriety and chastity would help my situation any. ( note: it certainly wouldn't help the mood of my fellow inhabitants, that's for damned sure.)

If only Wolsey could talk, I'm sure he's have some excellent advice for me. Or maybe he'd just complain about the quality of fish I've been providing for him. Hard to say, really.

Entry Ends

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The weather outside is frightful.



Wolsey appears to be enjoying the snow even less than I am. Poor kitty.

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[For Bill and Sarah Jane]

Today was the day. And as far as Bernice was concerned, it was about bloody time. She'd been talking about making an expedition to the dinosaur territory for weeks now, and both Bill and Sarah Jane had been enthusiastic about joining her. But it was one thing after another with her illness, and the parties, and...well, general laziness really. And it wasn't like Benny to be so lackadaisical when there was a mystery to solve. Particularly not when said mystery could result in her escape from this balmy and utterly infuriating island.

Despite what Harry Sullivan had said, this wasn't just a reckless trip motivated by boredom or an addiction to danger. No, Benny had a theory. She'd been told that the dinosaurs couldn't breed, but that their numbers remained steady. There was also the fact of their being collared and contained behind the fences. It just didn't add up. So, if the animals in question were really earth dinosaurs, then perhaps the reason they didn't breed was because they were being transported to and from the island in the same way as the human inhabitants. Maybe who, or whatever was in charge of this experiment (and Bernice was convinced that's what this was) were also using the dinosaurs as subjects. To find that out, she needed to see them. And she certainly welcomed the company of two people with experience. So, Bernice packed up her usual kit and headed out to to prove or disprove her hypothesis.

And hopefully not get eaten.

Oct. 30th, 2008

Extract from the diary of Professor Bernice Summerfield

And yes, I suppose things could be worse. I’m loathe to admit this, even to you, dear diary, but this island isn’t actually all that bad. I’m doing my level best to drink and shag my way through the entire attractive and available adult population, so really not all that much change from the real world there. Just a lot less abject terror and running for my life. Not a bad holiday, really. Even the rain storms turned out to be rather enjoyable. (note: I still haven’t decided if it was worth all the misery and snot, though I’m leaning toward “yes”.) I still have absolutely no idea what I am going to do with myself once the novelty wears off, but so far I haven’t gotten too bored. Trust me, you’ll be the first to know when that changes.

Oh, and I almost forgot the best news of all. The Doctor and I finally managed to hash things out at the last party. I don’t remember all of what was said (no surprise there) but I think we left it pretty well sorted. At least I can safely say I won’t be avoiding him any more. And while I don’t think this incarnation is anywhere near as shaggable as the last one I met, at least he can hold his drink this time. Which is rather brilliant, actually. He is a bit more moody than he used to be, but that might be a natural reaction to having his wings clipped, it’s hard to say. I think I’m going to ask him if I might get a look at the TARDIS soon. I’m a bit apprehensive about it, to be honest. I’m not sure how I’ll react seeing her in her current state, but still…I miss her rather more than I thought I would.

I also miss Wolsey something fierce. That stupid cat. Goddess, I hope he’s alright.

Extract ends.

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